greater than i can ever imagine

Every once in awhile I write something that startles me.  I look at it later and laugh or cry or remember something that I hadn’t thought about in awhile.  I hope that when I look at this later, it will startle me again.

I told you about my New Year and skiing with the youth from church.  I didn’t tell you about being absolutely overwhelmed by God’s love and gentleness.  I’m going to attempt to describe something that I don’t have words for in any language.  A year ago, God spoke to me audibly – that doesn’t happen very often.  He told me, “I know the plans I have for you.“  Throughout the year, in every dark corner or dead end or edge of a cliff I was reminded of those words again.  Then, as 2007 became 2008, I lay awake, dead tired but unable to sleep.  I prayed, I begged God to let me sleep, to work in my heart, to help me understand what He was doing, because life wasn’t making much sense.  And all of a sudden I heard it again, not loud and bold like a year ago but quiet and assuring, “I know the plans I have for you.”  “Yes, Lord, I know; but what is going on right now?”  And suddenly I was covered in love, like I was wrapped in His arms . . . and He continued, “I have something greater planned for you - something greater than you can ever imagine.  This is just you preparing for that.”  I could feel His presence then and even days later when I thought and prayed about it again I was overwhelmed by His greatness and my smallness.  But it wasn’t smallness like feeling inferior; it was being overcome by His hugeness and power even as He talked about me being a part of something great in His eyes!

This is exciting and cool and frightening!  I know that my idea of great is pale in comparison with what He can do.  But God’s idea of great might also be painful.  It may not be something the world considers “great” at all.  It might be something that I look at and say, “No.  Sorry, God, but I think you messed up this time.”  But I also know that in time I’ll see it as great – greater than I could have ever imagined.  This is how He works: He leads me to a place that I might or might not be thrilled about, and then I look back and say, “Wow!  How did you know how great this would be?!”

I can look back at the last year and point out each exceptionally painful spot.  But at each spot I can also point out what He did in my life – a little bit of greatness.  And I can say, “Look at His faithfulness!  Look at how each painful moment has brought me to this point of overwhelming love and gentleness and comfort . . . and a promise of something unimaginably incredible.”

And now I get to learn patience . . .

~ by bemis on 18 January 2008.